Stress Release

It is my sincere wish that these words find a way into your heart, enrich your soul, and free you from the burdens of stress...

 When asking client's in the conscious state about what they feel causes stress in their lives I hear all kind of answers here are just a few common one:

My boss is an asshole!

My co-workers are getting paid the same as me and I am doing twice the work, that isn't fair!

There are two many things going on in my life!

My parents want me to be just how they want me to be and I can't be myself!

There are only twenty things I wanted to get done today and I couldn't get them all done, it's like that everyday.

I have to be perfect!

It seems like every day I just can't get done the things I think that I can!

My kids just keep screaming and I am trying to get all the house work done and there is not enough time to get it all done!

I get so pissed when these assholes who should not even be driving cut me off in traffic!

And many, many more! Now most people assume that events in their life is the cause of their stress.  When in reality I became aware after working with thousands of clients that it's not the events that cause the stress.  It is actually my clients expectation of the person, persons or situations that is really causing them stress.  There actually are only two things in life that cause stress.  One is changes in your life, the other is your expectations you are placing on yourself and/or others is not meeting your expectations thus causing you to be disappointed, thus causing stress.

                                                  Change

Why does change cause stress?  The subconscious definition of security is "That which is familiar." That is the whole definition of security.  We acquire this definition in the womb, as this was the same type of situation day after, day after day for the first nine months of our lives.  Now this may not have always been a pleasant situation for us, but security is not about only good feelings.  It is about what is familiar, good or bad, right or wrong does not matter.  You know the out come as you have done the behavior before, you have no worry this will change as you have been though it time and time again. You now you can hand it as you already know the out come. This over here that is new is not something that you are sure of the outcome.  Out come may be better or it may be worse. It is this not knowing that causes stress. The level of stress from change depends on the accumulation of life events that led up to this change. 

For example: Lets take two children in school who are talking at each other during class.  Now the teacher yells at them and degrades them for their behavior, and makes what the teacher feels is an example out of them.  One child that is used to getting yelled at and degraded at home already feels that they are not as good as some other kids, they are so used to getting yelled at that when the teacher yells at them they do not like it, but at the same time they are not traumatized by this event.  The second child is not used to getting yelled at and when this happens this child is so embarrassed that this event is a huge trauma.  They may associate this yelling and embarrassment with authority figures later in life and have issues with them until this is worked through on a subconscious level. Again, we all have different perceptions of events happening to us as each of us have had different life experiences that lead up to those events.  I can help you to better deal with changes in your life.

                                  Events that do not involve people  

A tree branch falls and dents your car and it up sets you.  Your driving down the road and pick up a nail in your tire and then your tire goes flat. These are examples of things that cause some people stress and others it has no effect on.  We can help to change expectations and perceptions to better deal with the stress created from events such as these and more.                                                 

                                              Expectation

Expectation is the single greatest cause of stress in our lives. The expectations we place upon ourselves and those which we place on all others constantly adjusts our individual stress level. Lets take a look first at the expectations we place upon ourselves.  Think about yourself for a moment, now shift and feel if you expect more of yourself than your very best in any situation.

                              Expectations Placed Upon Ourselves

 I find that many people expect more of themselves on a daily bases. They usually do so thinking that this is helping them to move forward and do more.  Unfortunately this is not the case as each day they do not meet this expectation that is higher than their very best they get disappointed.  This disappointed feeling on a daily bases leads to this feeling disappointed in one's self a being familiar, thus secure.  This lead to issues with self esteem. 

I try, and I try every day and I'm just not good enough!

No, you always have been good enough, you just have placed your expectations you put on yourself to be higher than the best you can do at that given moment.  This best you can do level changes over time and either increases or decreases based on experience and how you view yourself. The very best way to get this to increase is first lower your expectations you place upon yourself down to your very best.  Now you are not going to be disappointed in yourself on a daily bases.  If your not disappointed in yourself on a daily bases what has happened to your stress level? Of course it has gone down.  How much is it worth to you to live your life in such a state of lowed stress? Figure out a figure and mail a check to Michael R. Weir, just kidding.  But this information it self is no joke, it will make positive adjustments to your life that become very familiar very quickly.  Now once you have lowered your expectation you place on yourself down to your very best and never higher than that.  Now you are ready for the next part!

                                     Expectations Placed Upon Others

Now we get to one of the greatest causes of stress known to man or woman.  Expectations we place upon others is responsible for the largest part of our daily stress in our lives.  When we have an expectation that we place upon another is causes us to be open for that person to disappoint us when they do not live up to our expectation.  Let me give you some examples:

Road rage on the way into work

That Son of a bitch just cut me off (laying on the horn, yelling and flipping the other driver off)

First off you are expecting that other driver to:

1. Be as safe of a driver as you.

2. Be as courteous of a driver as you are.

3. Pay as much attention to other vehicles on the as you do.

4. Never be stressed out and make any mistakes while operating their vehicle.

5. Know this bridge and traffic patterns as well as you do, even though they may be lost.

I can guarantee you one thing, as long as you expect everyone to be as courteous and good of a driver as you, you will be disappointed and stressed more often than not.  In learning how to treat others, did that person have the same parents as you ?  Did they get the same driver training as you? Then why do you expect them to be as good as you?  Don't expect them to be as good as you, in fact expect nothing from them and you have just taken away their ability to get you mad.  Take back your power and expect nothing from them, and you will never be disappointed! Now take this expectation you are placing on other and ask yourself these questions:

                                                    The List

What do you expect from your boss?

What do you expect from your co-workers?

What do you expect from your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend?

What do you expect from your children?

What do you expect from your mother?

What do you expect from your Father?

What do you expect from your siblings?

Now continue this list with each and every person in your life.  Now, answer these questions in detail. Bring this list in with you when you come in for your sessions.  How many of these people in on your list even know what it is that you are expecting of them.  Many times people disappoint us because we have a certain expectation of them and they have no idea that we even have this expectation.  Some how we expect them to read our minds and know what we are thinking.  Most times they have no clue, so they do not do what we are expecting of them and now are stress level shoots up high!

                                         Stress Release Sessions

As we do sessions for stress release we get to the subconscious level and we have great ability to positively change expectations. We also get to any, and all root causes of why stress is high with certain people.  This is generally events with these people that have never really worked all the way through on a subconscious level. When we get to the truth behind these events the healing happens! Client's report feeling as if the weight of the world has been lifted from them.  They feel free from the burden they have been carrying for so long.  Call or e-mail today to release that burden and experience that free feeling in your life!  412-264-4848 or mrweir@mrwhypnotherapy.com or michaelrweir@verizon.net

This page you have just read is part of a book that I am co-authoring and it is currently copyrighted ©2004 by Paul Aurand and Michael R. Weir.  No part may be reproduced, distributed or e-mailed without written permission from both Paul Aurand and Michael R. Weir.  Thank you!